• Peter Roehrich

Weddings For Introverts


Couple sitting together on boarrdwalk.
Introverts need not feel anxious about their weddings. Some careful planning and taking a few quiet minutes together can help you enjoy your special day.

Are you an introvert? Are you about to get married? Are you nervous? That's perfectly natural and understandable. Below you'll find a compilation of tips and tricks to put you at ease.


Planning

Planning a wedding is a lot of work! It can make anyone sweat, but it's totally something you can rock. Maybe the prospect of reaching out to and coordinating multiple vendors is a bit too much for you. Or maybe you hate phone calls.


If your budget allows, you might find a lot of relief in retaining an expert planner can take a huge load of your shoulders. They can help you by making decisions easier. A seasoned planner will know many vendors across many crafts and can use this to make recommendations. With these recommendations in hand, you will have an idea of what each vendor is like, and can narrow down the list of who your want to consider. A planner can even reach out to vendors on your behalf, talking care of some logistics before you meet with them. Your planner can also be your point person for interacting with your vendor team, answering many of their questions; in this capacity your planner can gather up the vendor questions and info, bringing it to you all at once, even in scheduled intervals.


It is completely reasonable to ask vendors what their communication styles are. If you prefer email, let them know. If you prefer that they batch up there communications, you can ask for that, too. By putting this on the table up front, you will set the expectation of what you can expect from your vendor, and what your limits are.


You can also bring a trusted friend or family member into the selection process and communication with your vendor team. This is more a tip for couples where both halves are introverted; when only one is introverted, the other can serve in this capacity. An advocate can step in, for example, if you find yourself struggling to get your words out. Your advocate could chime in with “I think they are saying…”. Plus, just having someone by your side can put your mind at ease.


Ceremony

Walking down the aisle is something many couples look forward to. It can be full of emotions. After all, in many couples’ plans, it will be the first time that the partners see each other on their wedding day.


On the other hand, for some couples, the prospect of feeling the feels in front of their guests is a bit overwhelming. For those couples, a first look might be just the right way to experience the emotions of seeing their loves for the first time while in an intimate space, keeping the moment to themselves.


For couples nervous about walking down the aisle, anxious about being the focus of so many people’s attention, how about walking in together, arm in arm? Not only does this allow the partners to lean on each other, figuratively and maybe literally, but it sets an egalitarian tone for the ceremony and underscores that these partners are equal halves of their relationship.


Many people worry about public speaking. Jerry Seinfeld treated this fear well in an opening bit of his eponymous sitcom. For couples who prefer not to speak at length in front of their guests, I have a solution. The couple can exchange vows in a private moment before the ceremony. This not only takes the pressure of public speaking of the couple, it also lets the partners share sentiments too personal to recite in front of their guests. During the following ceremony, I say something along the lines of “Having exchanged vows in private, you will now affirm those commitments to one another…” and then read ‘classic’ vows to which they reply “I do”.


Attire

There's no need for a groom to wear a tuxedo if they prefer not to. A wedding should be a reflection of the couple; if they're more comfortable in casual clothing, then that's what they should rock. Of course I've officiated ceremonies where grooms wore tuxedos. But other groom attire includes military uniforms, suits, jackets and chinos, and untucked shirts. If the grooms are comfortable, they can feel free to be themselves.


Brides don't have to wear white dresses. Just like grooms, brides are free to wear attire that reflects their personalities and makes them feel good. I have officiated ceremonies where brides wore red, ivory, and black dresses. I've also seen brides in suits.


Reception

You can craft a reception that fits you like a glove. There's no hard and fast rule for what a reception must include.


It's ok to take a breather. While you're guests cut the rug, it's more that appropriate to take a few minutes to yourselves. Feel free to step away from the reception, or from ceremony prep if you like, to reflect on your big day with your new spouse.


If you prefer not to be the center of attention when you enter the reception, you could walk in with the rest of your wedding party as a group. And you do not need your DJ to introduce you, either.


Gather and bouquet tosses, cake cutting, and first dances might make you a little nervous. Your can skip them, no questions asked! Or you can modify them.


How about asking your guests to join you in cake cutting? While you cut the cake, your guests can cut (and eat) cupcakes at their seats. This will take their gaze off you and let them enjoy a sweet treat. And while we're on the topic of guest participation, you could invite them to join you on the dance floor for your first dance.


Wrap Up

I hope these ideas help put your mind at ease. Rather than adhere to tradition that don't jibe with you, focus on designing an event where you feel good. That will come through to the loved ones sharing the day with you.

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